A Rant but not a rant

I've decided to put myself on a Grail quest. Since I am planning a trip to France in the near future, I thought now was the time.

You do not go on a Grail quest with hopes in ever finding the Grail. Like the saying says
"You do not find the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail finds you."
No. You go on the quest to find yourself. To really see what kind of person you really are. To test yourself for you.

I have many conflicts raging inside of me right now. The heart and the mind battle for control of my soul and I need insight. I need to find who I really am. Most of all, I need peace.

As I finish up my vampire script, Dark Intentions, I really am pondering, what does it mean to be human.
I have crafted a wonderful world for this story to live in, with very deep feelings and people but The Vampire Rodric has left me drained.
Rodric is me. All I have done really, is given a place for my rage and hate to live. The problem now is, do i go further with Rodric? And by further I mean, do i put EVERYTHING that is me, into him? Can i really expose all that I am (or most) for the world to see?
Can I really live with that?
People are shocked that I am really a shy person. I do enjoy the limelight while Im working with Weather Art but only as a group. When that spotlight is turned on me, I want to hide in the shadows.
It was somewhat easier in the past with the ex on my ass about it, but now that shes gone, I have gone right back into my old ways. Shadows and withdrawl is the best course of action.
I want to finish this script up. I want to play the part of Rodric. i want to direct the film but thats it. I have ZERO desire to do interviews or sit at film festivals with hundreds of people staring at me.

Back to Rodric... I have decided to go ahead and pour everything that is me into him. I really have no choice in the matter. Rodric has grown to big for me to control anymore. If I put a limit on him it will hurt the story. It will hurt the the story of him and Destiny. And that is a story that needs to be told. A story that will show that no matter the distance,lies,pain.confusion, love can change a person and bring that person back from madness.
Kind of like me.

So all of this is floating in my head. Im a bit lonely, facing all of it on my own without anyone to share it with. Its part of the reason why I am posting it here. But this is the road that I am on and I have to make the best of it. Too many wonderful things are happing right now but sometimes, even all of the wonderful things mean nothing when you cant share it with someone.

It is what it is yo.
Well real life calls so Im off
Im going to leave you with a picture that means alot to me.
Keeping my head up
Adam